The I Still Miss You drabbles
by Ophelia and Juliet
Summary: Remus and Sirius loved each other, but that didn't always mean they were together. A set of drabbles by Juliet inspired by Keith Anderson's I Still Miss You. Oh, and I know that Nickelback didn't exist at the time of chapter 1 but pretend it did. Angstish
1. Leaving

_I changed the presets in my truck so those old songs don't sneak up_

Sirius Black had been in Azkaban for one year and Remus Lupin couldn't've cared less. At least that's what he'd said out loud. Inside he burned with passion mixed with anger. And, in the centre of it all, the feeling of cold lonliness.

Remus drove down the highway, away from his old life in London, in his old two toned Ford truck. Sirius had talked him into this car. Sirius. Remus turned up the radio, trying to drown out Sirius' name in his head.

"And this is how you remind me what I really am. It's not like you to say-" the radio sang. Remus cut it off, jabbing the power button as if it had personally insulted him. _How you remind me _was always their song. Remus and Sirius. Sirius and Remus. Every damn thing reminded him of Sirius. Tiny though it was, a nagging voice in his head told him he could never forget Sirius. His first boyfriend. the first person to really love him.

"The first person to totally fuck me over," Remus said aloud to himself, as he rolled down his window, wind mussing his hair. This was forgetting. This was getting rid of everything that had gone wrong. Which was everything. Everything had gone wrong.

Speeding down the deserted, sprawling highway with a hicupping motor, Remus adjusted his trucks' radio settings. He couldn't let that song ambush him again. It was cruel, the way the world kept turning, kept playing that song, even though Sirius was gone. Remus got physically sick, his stomach aching with grief and longing every time it played.

Despite how he felt about that bloody Nickelback tune, Remus found himself humming it, trying to let it carry him back to a time when everything was perfect, when he had James, Sirius, Peter and Lily. Back to the place where he'd existed before his world had shattered to a millon pathetic pieces.


	2. Finding love again?

_I've tried sober, I've tried drinking. I've been strong and I've been weak, but I still miss you_

Bending over the toilet bowl, Remus horked up his entire stomach and silently wondered if forgetting Sirius for a couple hours one night was worh the next morning's hang over.

"Remus?" came tonks' voice through the Grimmauld Place's bathroom door.

"I'm fine, Nymphadora," snapped Remus irritably. He hated to be so PMSy with Tonks. She was, after all, one of his best friends. Remus also knew she fancied him,and he really loved her too. But the fact remined that he had loved Sirius and Sirius had died. It was all too much to deal with all at once.

"Remus, don't make me break down the door! You can't hide forever!" threatened Tonks, her wavering voice patternted with sniffles. Remus wiped his mouth with toilet paper and unlocked the door.

"What?" Remus asked, much too harshly, leaving Tonks looking quite put out.

"Remus!'' Tonks half screamed, half sobbed,"Just stop it! Stop drinking and yelling and crapping out on me cuz you miss Sirius! We all miss him!" Brushing past Tonks, Remus walked into his bedroom, dropping onto the bed and grabbing his old, leather photo album. Tonks watched him from the door. Inside, she wondered if Remus even wanted to be with her. Risking it, Tonks tip toed quietly in, sitting delicately next to the werewolf. He didn't acknowledge her pressence.

After a few minutes of flipping through pages of pictures of the Lupin family, the Marauders, the Order and Lily and James' wedding, Remus extracted a moving photo. In it was Sirius and Remus, years younger, holding each other, kissing, and drinking. Tonks took it from him, turning it over in her hands, examining the two young Marauders.

"You realy loved him, didn't you?" asked tonks, looking at her friend sideways. He simply nodded and burried his face in his scarred hands.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tonks cried angrily.

Remus sighed and took his head out of his hands. "I was ashamed. James was the only one we ever told. You're my best friend, Dora, and I should've told you the truth from the beginning but I was embarassed."

Confused, Tonks asked, "But, why? I mean, Sirius isn't a bad --"

Remus cut her off. "Not ashamed of Sirius," he explained, "I was ashamed I'd let myself fall for someone who only ever screwed with my head. Dora, I -- I guess I was just embarrassed cuz I'd never loved anyone, and I'd expected to fall for a girl. I was just a confused kid. Now I'm just an effing messed up adult. I just can't get over him." Remus had expected Tonks to agree, to give up on him and leave. But instead, she put an arm around him and kissed his cheek.

"I'm not Sirius, but I could make my hair look like his," Tonks told him, screwing up her face until sleek, ebony hair was cascading down to her shoulders, a few strands falling before her eyes. Remus laughed, slightly letting his depression go.

"I love you, Remmy," promised Tonks, "I'm always here."

"Thanks Dora, I owe you one," responded Remus.

Tonks cuddled the Marauder, resting her head on his shoulder. "You don't owe me anything. Just promise you'll stay."


End file.
